Thank you for believing in me when no one else has
Narcissism has first reared its head in my life outside my own field of study when I had consistent huge and unmanageable fights with my brother last 2016. I also wondered about the word on and off during my previous relationship. I don’t want to waste my time telling you about the background story lol but it’s such a shame that I’m only able to truly research about this after two years of discovering the breadth and depth of what narcissism truly is.
Thing is, those two years were not sufficient to process all of the shit that is my life. Truth to be told, shit’s still keep on coming. Fortunately though, through this confusing and frustrating endless back and forth, I now know how to turn the faucet off.
I’m learning a lot of things. Things that could have been prevented the past two years if I only were in the right mind to take anything in. I don’t know…I’m still confused af. I still don’t get a lot of things. The mountain I have to climb seems so insurmountable but at least, I’m here now. I’m bleeding, I’m worn out, I’m wounded but I’m aware and am still learning. For the first time ever, I feel like I own this body and I truly am myself. No matter how soul-tired I am now. Words don’t flow freely because I’m angry…who I am on the inside is just pure rage and that’s boring. That’s repetitive. I’m already tired of being angry. I’m tired of saying the same shit over and over.
